Facing The Reality of Obesity

In January of this year, I finally faced the reality that my weight was spinning out of control. I maxed out at 411 pounds, and was sacrificing precious years from my life if I did not do something to change. It was time to stop pretending, step up to the plate, and start to take control of my eating habits.

One cold winter morning, I was staring into the face of truth. Looking in the mirror, I barely recognized the person staring back. I was so good at averting my eyes to the truth that I was a stranger in my own skin.

It takes some dedicated skill development to avoid ever really looking into a mirror. By hiding from reality, I had allowed myself to become a cliche – fat and unhappy. I was tired. I was lonely. I was miserable. And in that moment, I was saying goodbye to the person I had always been.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

Defined By Circumstance

My entire life had been defined by my weight. I was always the “fat girl” of my school class. I was different, and I stood out. My weight was always a visible presence between me and the rest of the world. I was pretending it wasn’t there, and everyone else was pretending not to notice. But it was right there, plain as day. Being a kid is hard enough, but being the overweight kid is next to impossible.

I remember in fifth grade making the decision to stop wearing shorts because my legs were bigger than everyone else’s. In seventh grade, I developed stretch marks on my upper arms. My friends would ask what those marks were, and I would have to come up with new ways to deflect the question. By high school, I had stopped wearing short sleeve shirts. And at a time when most girls are noticing boys and starting to date, I started feeling even more disconnected from my friends. They were getting attention, and considering having sex. I was just trying to disappear.

College was a nightmare. Each new class brought with it the horror of having to select a seat you wouldn’t fit in. When I started pursing my professional career, every job interview became a scavenger hunt for acceptance. I walked into meetings already carrying one strike against myself. Would they or would they not be OK with “fat” people? I scoured company websites looking for pictures of overweight employees in the hopes it would ease the fear a bit.

In my 20′s, life became a routine of avoiding change, trying not to be noticed, and continuing to pack on the pounds. I had work, food and sleep. Nothing even close to resembling a life. It turns out the longer you try to blend into the shadows and go unnoticed, the more comfortable they become.

Then one day you come to find yourself alone in the dark with no chance of escape.

I spent a few years trying to address my issues of unbalance on the surface. I was dedicated to learning about habit changes, life / work balance, and other such lifestyle improvements. Things got better, but I knew deep down that I wasn’t addressing the real issue. I had to step into the light if I was going to save myself from the real problem.

My Personal Revolution

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’ ” ~Mary Anne Radmacher

My moment in January 2010 became one small change that began a revolution. I got out of my own way, and just started taking life day by day. Instead of thinking about all the “good” things I was giving up, I made it an adventure to discover new and exciting food that was actually good. I got back into the kitchen after far too long away, and started cooking. I made a commitment to respect my body each day by giving it exactly what it needed to be its best.

I learned about creating balanced meals, left behind the junk I used to know. But I also didn’t want to fail. I decided that if I was craving something, like ice cream, I would have it. To keep up my commitment, I would select an all natural ice cream, checking the ingredients list instead of relying on the packaging to make sure.

Every day I wake up, I make a renewed commitment to the cause. I used to feel like crap after meals from a combination of overeating and choice of food. I don’t miss feeling like I need a nap after I eat. As an added bonus, I also discovered a lot about the power of commitment and intention. It turns out when you fully engage in change, it isn’t as scary as you thought it would be.

I think the most important thing I ever did for myself was standing up, and deciding things would be better. I’ve lost 84 pounds because I made a choice. I am creating the life I have always wanted because I made a choice. I choose to be fearless every day in this life because I want the adventure, not the shadows.

When You’re Ready

I think you need the moment. That single second when everything shifts, and you see yourself with renewed clarity. It is different for everyone, but it is the game changer.

I tried and failed a lot of “diets” along the way. But this time I knew I would succeed before I even started. Why? Because I wasn’t eating frozen food out of a package, or taking a magic pill, or drinking food through a straw. I wasn’t trying to trick, or deny myself anything. I was making choices that are repeatable, sustainable, and are going to be with me for the rest of my days.

My moment wasn’t about losing weight, it was making a commitment to create the life I wanted to live. I supported that commitment every day through good food, positive change, and facing the mindsets that were holding me back. I stepped out of the shadows, and I let the light shine on me for the first time.

I have gained so much from this experience that it has inspired me to help others achieve this for themselves. I am hard at work creating a 10-week kick-start program, arranging Mind+Body+Soul retreats, and supporting others through personal sessions. If this is your moment, and you are ready to create the life you have always imagined for yourself, take some time to sign up for the Weight Warrior Email List. You’ll be the first to know about all the great things happening here at Trading Pounds including:

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4. and Advanced discount offers for everything at Trading Pounds!

Before You Go

You’ve heard my story, now it’s time to share some of the challenges you’ve faced in your own weight loss goals in the comments section below. What have you tried in the past? What’s your biggest fear about trying again? What do you really want to do with this one life of yours?

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